Thursday, May 23, 2019

Politics: Jokes about Republicans

Well, with me always switching between two different themes of political posts in this blog, it is now time to get to the next them. The Republicans will have their turn as I largely complain about them over and over again. I’ve decided to make up a bunch of jokes about them in this post. I don’t need to as that whole party is a joke. But let’s get to them all and I hope that you enjoy them. I probably could make more of them, but I figure that I’ll just stop when I do.

What do you call an argumentative Republican? A Republican

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he’ll wait to do it until it is advantageous to him.

It used to be that people without a brain, heart, or courage were Wizard of Oz characters. Now it describes the typical Republican senator.

What’s the difference between a Republican and a procrastinator? A procrastinator gets stuff done.

Did you hear the one about the two men who were caught on tape bragging about groping woman? One got fired from his job. The other got elected president of the United States.

What do you call an illogical Republican? A Republican

What’s the difference between a Republican and a monkey? Monkeys don’t throw as much crap at each other.

Did you hear the one about the honest Republican? Me neither.

What do you call an honorable Republican? Dead

What’s the difference between Trump and a sewage treatment plant? A sewage treatment plant doesn’t have nearly as much crap.

What do you call a disagreeable Republican? A Republican

Trump got elected. While people are certain that he’s a joke, people have struggled since to figure out what the punch line is.

What do the New England Patriots and Mitch McConnell have in common? Both rig the rules so that they win. (That's not a joke, is it?)

What’s the difference between a clown and Trump? One is a sometimes scary creature who has fake hair, makes people laugh by being stupid, and has crowds of people gathering to see their antics. The other is a clown.


What do you call an obnoxious Republican? A Republican

Monday, May 6, 2019

Politics: The Ten Most Contentious Presidential Elections

Another name for this blog post could easily be the ten worst elections for US president. But I think that this might be more accurate. Not all of the elections have been smooth and we might not have a good one again. One may argue that we’ve never had one that wasn’t bad in some way. But I will say that when I look back at all the contentious presidential elections, there are ten that stand out more than all the others.

#10 1880: I wasn’t entirely sure if this should be on the list, but maybe there wasn’t enough for this list. Still, this election is known as the one with the closest popular vote for president in US history. James Garfield won this despite splinters in the Republican party and was president for a brief time before a religious nut shot him and poor medical practices of the time lead to his death. This was after a long nomination process that he was stunned he won.

#9 1992: This was actually the first election of my lifetime. Bill Clinton beat the challengers of both the incumbent president and a third party candidate who got a surprising turnout in the race despite having not been in it for a while. I feel like somehow, the country as a whole lost a lot during and after this election when it started the process of it being a media circus instead of what civil ways typically existed in the way before. Mudslinging might have begun around this time officially in the way we see it now where there is a lot of negativity pointed at the other one in the race but not much positivity pointed at oneself.

#8 1828: Here’s a shocking fact: the longest election cycle for a presidential election was this one lasting nearly four years long after Andrew Jackson, the loser in the last election, declared that he would challenge the incumbent in a rematch. He won that rematch after one of what has to be the nastiest campaigns ever even by modern standards. From his side attacking John Quincy Adams over the controversial way he got into office to Adams’s side plaguing Jackson’s wife over issues with whether or not they were really married which might have lead to her dying before her husband took office, this was quite an uncivil campaign by both sides and what’s sad about it most is that it would hardly be the only presidential campaign like it.

#7 1960: John F Kennedy won this election, but it remains controversial to this very day due to all of the people who are wrongly convinced that it was rigged in favor of him as if Nixon wound up being the best president ever later. The election was close in terms of the popular vote and the Electoral College vote with a third party candidate getting enough votes to win two states. The weirdest part is that Ohio didn’t pick the election winner, something that no election since then has done thus far.

#6 2016: I can’t do a top ten contentious elections without including the most recent one. We kind of got two sucky choices as the two main candidates and somehow, many were convinced that the clearly worse person was the best and he fucking won. With a Supreme Court vacancy looming on the minds of many, the Republican’ts gained leverage they shouldn’t have had if they were decent human beings who did their jobs. While both candidates were clearly liars, so many people were focused on Hillary Clinton’s to the point of ignoring Trump’s worse and more frequent lies. Plus his bullying was so horrible that I’m shocked that people like him for it is what is contributing to the further degradation of society at hand. Newsflash: Trump has missing emails too. All the protests after the election and the fact that he had 3 million less votes than his opponent make this one for the hall of infamy.

#5 1800: This wasn’t the first election, but it was the first one where there was more than one candidate and things got a bit confusing as a result. Despite being opponents, the person who came in second place became vice-president instead of simply a failed candidate. The law was then changed later as a result, but only after the next election had happened was it set up so that the second place person didn’t become vice-president. John Adams won and Thomas Jefferson was now second in command. They hated each other for a long time. What if Hillary Clinton was the vice president under Trump? That’s the type of election problems that were caused by this and it being the first real election was simply bad enough.

#4 2000: Bush versus Gore was not just the election but a Supreme Court decision that also helped decide the election. They had no business taking an already contentious election and making it even worse by voting along party lines. They arguably continued the conservative’s harsh reign on the Supreme Court that they’d had since sometime in the 1970s and continue to have to this very day. Many correctly believe that Gore should have won since he had won the popular vote. Some people will never get over the results.

#3 1860: Here we have the worst ever reaction to an election results: states leaving the union and forming their own confederacy. Abraham Lincoln wasn’t on many of the southern state’s ballots and there were tons of other issues that finally lead to the Civil War taking place. It was still something that needed to happen, but it was contentious beyond maybe all others.

#2 1876: Some people may not be familiar with this one where the election winner lost the popular vote, but it could have started a second civil war the way it divided this country again. The way that it went might have been the reason why the southern states became and remained as horribly racist as they are today. Samuel Tilden lost by only one election college vote and Rutherford Hayes was the narrow winner after a bunch of controversial decisions about different votes lead Hayes to get all of what was in contention. But what made this even more controversial was the fact that when people needed to decide the election, it was a narrow party line vote with the conservatives having the barest majority, picking Hayes by one vote. It was such a terrible decision that was made by a bunch of people and the compromise made by the people after this didn’t work out in the country’s long term favor.

#1 1824: Hands down, this will always be the worst presidential election in our country’s history. It was a four way race and should have pointed out the issues with the Electoral College to the point of getting rid of it. Andrew Jackson got 42% of the popular vote and the most votes in the Electoral College, but he did not get enough votes to cross the magic threshold of winning. We then get to John Quincy Adams who got 32% of the popular vote. We then have an Amendment that helped create even more havoc. Henry Clay, the Speaker of the House, got to proceed over the final decision of the election when the House decided it in Adams’s favor. Thus, a man who got 10% less votes than someone and the lowest percentage of the popular vote out of all of the candidates who became president got to win the presidency. Many believe that Henry Clay went out of his way to make sure that his candidate won and the states that Jackson won even had changed in his favor. The ideal party system was gone forever and now we have two parties that always fight each other instead of one relatively united one.


That’s all for this post. Sorry if all of these paragraphs were really long. I hope that I was able to help education you on all of the contentious elections of our country’s past. I only hope that we are able to avoid elections like these in the future. I thought of including 1972’s election on here since it was one that had relations to Watergate, but thought that it wouldn’t work after all. I do not know what else might have made it on here so I guess I’ll leave it up to you to see if I had picked the most contentious ones or not.